Shock
by MistressSara
Summary: An alternate version of events, beginning at the end of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, works in some of the information from Secrets and Lies. Anderson takes Kate with him after the shooting, hiding out together while awaiting further orders. KC/RA
1. Chapter 1

Title: Shock

Author: Mistress Sara

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I own a whole lot of nothing.

Kate's hands shook as she held the freshly fired gun. Her ears were ringing, her eyes burned as the smoke from the gun wafted towards her. There was blood splattered on the wall behind where the jeweler had been standing. Tunnel vision, that's what she was experiencing… the only thing she could focus on was the empty space in front of her.

From the floor, Roger stared up at her, almost in a daze. He couldn't believe she had it in her… well, actually he could. What he couldn't believe was that she just shot someone to save his life. Roger became aware of the pressure on top of him. Bolger laid motionless on top of him. Warm blood was seeping from the gunshot wound through Roger's shirt, causing his own skin to feel sticky and cold from the substance.

With a less than graceful shove, Roger managed to roll the lifeless body onto the rug next to them. Slowly he managed to get to his feet, then took on the task of approaching Kate. She still stood there, staring at the wall, her hands trembling uncontrollably. Her arms had to be growing tired from being held out like that.

"Kate?" He spoke softly, coaxing her arms down and slipping the gun from her hands. "Kate?"

Her head shook, suddenly hearing his voice managed to shake her from the stupor. For the first time she looked away from the wall and towards the man standing next to her.

"Roger?" Her voice was just as unsteady as the rest of her. "I killed him… I killed him, didn't I?"

"Yes." He answered bluntly. "Kate, we need to get out of here, now."

He moved her towards the stairs, bending down briefly to pick up the real list from the floor. She was much more compliant than usual, allowing him to guide her down the stairs and outside. He pulled his jacket closed to cover the bloodstain before pulling a handkerchief to sop up the blood flowing from his nose.

"Are you all right?" Kate asked, looking up at him as he pulled her to his side.

"Yes. Just keep walking." He ventured a glance behind to confirm that there was no one following them.

"You don't look all right."

"We'll discuss that later."

"Where are we going?"

"A safe place."

"But…"

"Not now, Kate." He answered harshly, continuing to pull her along.

They walked for what felt like forever, at some point leaving the sidewalk and entering an empty alleyway. The also seemed to shift positions, as Kate grew wearier Roger had taken hold of her hand, continuing to lead her. They finally came to a stop outside of splintered backdoor.

Roger ventured one last look around the alley before pulling out a key to unlock the door.

"In." He pushed Kate in quickly before following, closing the door behind them. Despite the appearance, the door was surprisingly sturdy. Kate could tell by the sound it made when he slammed it.

"Roger… what are we going to…" He held his hand up, reaching behind her for a light-switch.

"I am going to get in touch with my handler. We're going to take care of this situation."

She allowed him to lead her to the living room. Sitting quietly while he made a phone call. She observed him. The blood still stained his face. Kate had an overwhelming urge to clean his face... tend to his wounds. It was an unusual feeling for her to have towards the man who had messed up her exit plan so beautifully.

"Yes. I managed to take Blue Bird with me. She's safe… No, things didn't go quite as planned. I had to shoot him."

Kate began to make a noise of disagreement but Roger held up a finger for her to stay silent.

"No, it could not be avoided."

Kate continued to listen as he explained how Bolger came back early and caught him at the open safe. How they fought, struggled for the gun. Then Roger explained that he was on the floor when Bolger pulled a knife, he had no choice but to shoot. Part of Kate wished that that were the truth. That it really was Roger who had pulled the trigger. She didn't notice that her hands had started to shake again or that he had hung up the phone.

"Kate?" She looked up at him, now standing in front of her. "You'll stay here for the night. My handler will be by in a few hours to debrief us. So I suggest we get our story straight."

"Why did you tell him that you shot Bolger?"

"Because it's easier this way. There won't be ramifications if I say that I did it. But you're from the US…"

"They would arrest me?"

"Without a second thought."

"But—Roger, I—I- I can't talk to you like this. Where's the lavatory?"

He looked at her confused, she stood and met his expression with one of determination.

"It's just through here."

"Is this some sort of safe house?"

"Something like that. My flat."

She followed him through a narrow hallway, to a small bathroom under the stairs. It was a very bare bones guest bathroom, just a toilet and sink.

"Sit. Do you have any first aid items around?"

"In the medicine cabinet."

"Good. Sit." She put the lid down on the toilet before forcing him to sit. Now it was he who watched. It was like when he watched her on that first flight, when she had been assigned to swap out his passport information. Her expression was set with determination as she pulled out a roll of gauze and bottle of antiseptic.

"Get hurt often?" She asked, nodding towards the fully stocked cabinet.

"I try not to." He winced as she touched the cool liquid to his nose.

"It's not broken is it?"

"Just bruised."

"What about your ribs?"

"What about them?"

"Bol…" She choked on his name. "He got you a few times in the ribs."

"It's nothing." He tried pushing her hands away, but groaned in pain.

"That doesn't sound like nothing. Let's get that shirt off."

"Kate!"

"Roger!" She replied simply, letting him know that she wasn't going to drop this. The turtleneck was a horrible choice. It was a slow process removing the bloodied shirt, but once it was off Kate was able to survey the damage. He was badly bruised, but Kate wasn't sure yet if anything was broken. Before he could stop her, there was a set of cold fingers pressing lightly across the tender area.

"Jesus, Kate!"

"That doesn't sound like the reserved British spy." She chided softly, continuing to move her fingers across his skin. "Nothing's broken."

"How do you know how to do all this?"

"Pan Am expects the best."

"You're often called on to check for broken ribs?"

She paused for a moment, turning to put the first aid items back in the cabinet.

"I was studying to be a nurse before I found flying."

"That's a bit of a jump in careers."

"I discovered that the hospital wasn't far enough away from my family."

Roger just nodded, not looking to prompt her confessions any further. He had the notion that the less he knew about these women that flew in and out of his life was for the better. That way he didn't get too involved when it came time for them to leave. But there had been something about Kate. Ever since that first meeting, when she looked up at him with that flush of determination and assured him that any underestimation of her abilities would be ill advised.

"I'd suggest an easier shirt." She said, turn around again just as he stood. Because of the close quarters they were suddenly pressed together, his bare chest against her clothed body. Kate's raised hand was now resting against his bicep.

Kate had a flashback to earlier in the day when she sprung that kiss on him. It was far from unpleasant, which of course kept her from apologizing when they left the shop.

_"Was that entirely necessary?" He asked, still using that ridiculous accent._

_ "An expensive piece of jewelry for a part time mistress? I should've kissed you much longer than that." She answered flippantly, not realizing that her arm was still linked through his._

_ "And what would you know about mistresses?" _

_ "A right side more than you apparently." _

_ "I'm not married."_

_ "I'm not surprised." He looked at her for a moment before quickly looking away._

_ "Yes, well-"_

_ "I didn't mean it like that, Anderson. It just… it seems like you're very dedicated to your job." _

_ "You're one to talk."_

_ "It's a fair exchange." She shrugged, stopping to face him. Before anything else could be said a cab came zooming by, forcing Kate closer to him in an effort to not be hit. She glanced up and smiled._

"We keep finding ourselves in this position." She murmured, finally looking up to make eye contact.

"Yes…" He answered simply, feeling himself starting to lower his head in the hopes that their lips would meet again. Before that could happen however, the phone rang in the other room, forcing them apart.

"I should really get that." Roger quickly left the room, leaving Kate to finish cleaning up the supplies. She folded his turtleneck, threw away the bloodied gauze, and washed the blood from her hands. Finally she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She didn't recognize herself at first… kind of like when she had too much to drink and would end up starring in the mirror for hours, wondering if it was her real reflection. Now when she looked at herself all she could think was _murderer_.

She murdered a man and wasn't even aloud to take the blame for it.

Kate pulled the door closed and for the first time that night allowed herself to cry.

That's how Roger found her a few minutes later.

More to come, reviews appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

"Kate?" Roger knocked at the bathroom door, waiting for a response.

"I'll just be a moment." She replied, her voice still shaky. "Just a moment."

Roger stood awkwardly outside of the door for a second, unsure of what to do. If she were going to be longer than a moment then it would look like he was lurking. He decided to wait a little longer just as the door opened. Even without seeing her, he could tell that she had been crying. But her appearance confirmed it. Her eye makeup was now washed away, eyes a bit red. It was also clear that they were both going to pretend that she hadn't been upset… or that they had been seconds away from kissing again.

"I don't suppose you have something to eat around here?" Kate asked, turning off the bathroom light and joining him in the cramped hallway.

"I do as a matter of fact… just behind you is the kitchen."

"Hmm." She turned to inspect the swinging door. "I'll admit a curiosity as to whether or not you enjoy a bachelors diet or if you have secret culinary skills."

"You've given either notion thought? Clearly your government isn't keeping you busy enough."

"I have to occupy my mind somehow on those long flights."

"You think about eating with me?"

"Don't flatter yourself…"

"I don't need to, you're doing it for me."

"I think about a lot of things. Sometimes weird things come to mind." With that she turned away from him and made towards the kitchen. She stopped and craned her head back to look at him. Her smile was wide, "I think this is the most I've ever heard you speak that wasn't scolding me."

"We can change that if you'd like." He replied with an uncharacteristic smile of his own.

"I'm sure you'd scold me if I failed to mention that you're still not wearing a shirt." She called through the swinging kitchen door. Roger looked down and realized that she was right. He also took note of the developing bruises on his side. The upcoming weeks of desk duty would be welcome.

He followed her into the kitchen and observed as she poked about in the refrigerator, then the cabinets. While she was exploring he hurried to the basket of clean laundry he had left on the counter that morning. Pulling on the white, cotton undershirt was not done as quickly or easily.

"Have you reached a conclusion yet on my culinary skills?" Roger asked, trying to cover his groan of pain. She glanced over to watch him, but turned away as soon as he had finished pulling the shirt on.

"You have enough to get by, but nothing exceedingly complicated."

"Very astute. More than just a pretty face, Miss Cameron."

Kate chuckled.

"What?"

"Nothing, just… I'm not usually referred to as a pretty face."

"I find that difficult to believe."

"Not that difficult, I'm sure. You've met Laura."

"There are dozens of girls who look like Laura. Yours is a unique beauty."

Kate turned back to the refrigerator, hiding her blush.

"How about a grilled cheese?" She offered.

"And you were teasing me about my cooking ability?"

"Working with what's in front of me."

"Sounds good."

They moved quietly around the kitchen. Roger getting the pan out and lighting the range while Kate prepared the sandwiches. There was something oddly domestic about the whole thing. Never mind the fact that they were in this situation because a mission had gone wrong and someone had been shot.

"I like your house." Kate said, feeling a bit overwhelmed by their silence. "It's cozy… warm."

"You sound surprised."

"Well it is a little different from you usual air... Not that there's anything wrong with how you usually are. I realize that that's how you are at work…"

"Kate. It's okay. I understood what you meant." He eyed her closely as she set the table. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"You just seem a bit… nervous."

"What's your plan? I'm assuming you have a plan."

"I do." Roger served them their sandwiches before sitting down across from her. "As far as everyone will be concerned I shot Bolger. You'll tell my handler everything that happened, except for the shooting. Tomorrow you'll return to the hotel, then to New York."

"So I'll tell him everything that happened, but instead I'll say that I saw you struggling for the gun and that you managed to get it at the last minute."

"That's it exactly. You'll probably have to answer a few questions for Richard when you return, but beyond that we shouldn't have a problem."

They lapsed back into silence, both becoming focused on eating. Kate suddenly realized that she had no idea what time it was. It must've been close to nine when they left the store…

"Thank you." She said suddenly.

"What for?"

"For everything… taking the blame, looking out for me. I know I haven't been the most cooperative lately."

"Kate, you were amazing tonight. You saved my life, and the lives of everyone on that list. I don't know any other courier who would've jumped into action like you did."

"Did you refer to me as 'blue bird' earlier?"

"Ah, yes. Your codename."

"I have a codename?"

"For the time being."

"What's yours?"

Roger sighed, rolling his eyes. Probably the same expression he made when she called him Spencer.

"No point in sharing that information with you now, as you're leaving after everything is cleared up."

"I suppose you're right."

Roger opened his mouth as if he were about to say something but decided against it.

"When should we expect your handler?"

"Shortly. There is something we can do in the meantime."

"The dishes?" She smiled, handing him her plate as he stood.

"Okay. Two things."

She took a moment to stare at him, trying to decide what exactly he was suggesting. There was something almost playful about his smile. He couldn't mean, certainly not—

"No! Not that. God, Kate, now I really am curious as to what you think about me."

"I didn't mean to offend you. This is a new situation for me."

"I'll finish up the dishes, you go wait in the sitting room." Kate just nodded and made her back to the front of the house, wondering just how much poking around she could accomplish while he finished the dishes.

**x-X-x**

More will be along soon. Thanks so much for all of the reviews! I honestly didn't expect to get much of a response. Wasn't sure how people would feel about Kate/Roger. Glad to see I'm not the only one. Another chapter soon, thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

"Find anything interesting?" Kate almost startled at Roger's voice, but hid it relatively well.

"A number of insignificant things."

"Such as?" He pressed, sitting down on the leather couch, which looked like something you'd find in a gentleman's club.

"No pictures. Nothing particularly personal at all."

Just as Roger opened his mouth to disagree Kate continued.

"Except for a few of the books. Some are more worn than others. Favorites."

"Very observant. You learn fast."

"Hardly. Women have a God-given skill for casual snooping."

"Among their many natural talents."

"Certainly one of our favorites." Kate turned to smile but instead was met with a rather intense stare. "What?"

"Nothing." He replied, closing his eyes and leaning his head back.

"Are you feeling all right?" She asked, taking a seat next to him on the couch. Just as she reached out to touch his cheek, his hand caught her by the wrist. An audible gasp escaped Kate's lips before she could stop it.

She was suddenly reminded of that night in her hotel room, after her test mission. When she asked about Bridgette and he had taken her by the wrist to pull the door closed behind him. But not before telling her that they had high hopes for her.

"What is it?" Roger asked, breaking her train of thought.

"Just thinking." She smiled weakly, not pulling away from him. Instead she let her fingers brush against his bare forearm. The warmth of his skin surprised her. For some reason Kate never thought of Roger as a warm body. Truth be told she never thought much of him aside from his position as her contact. And the odd thought that would pop into her head over those long flights.

"Anything interesting?"

"Not particularly."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Is this the… never mind."

"No, no. Go ahead."

"Is this the life a spy can expect? Nothing personal around the house, no one to come home to?"

"Don't judge based on my life, Kate. I don't have personal belongings because… well, simply put, because I don't. It wasn't a happy childhood, so I don't keep family pictures around. And I have been less than successful with the women in my life. Sometimes it's easier to come home to an empty house. But there are plenty of spies who manage a normal life. Look at Richard."

"Richard?"

"He has a family."

"Really?"

"Yes. I must say you never struck me as the kind of woman who would make decisions based on how it might effect a future relationship."

"I've been thinking about it a lot since Nico… the whole thing just made me feel…"

"Used?"

"Yes." Kate sighed, slipping off her shoes and curling her legs beneath her. Their hands were still entwined, now resting on the cushion between them. "Most of what I've done I can get over. I can rationalize it away. But when those men came into my apartment and took him… I thought that would be the lowest point in this job. Until tonight."

"Kissing me wasn't _that_ bad." Kate stared at him blankly for a moment before she began to laugh. Roger too joined in.

"No, it wasn't. And you know that's not what I meant…" Kate stopped for a moment and observed Roger. He looked different when he smiled. Younger almost. His face relaxed. That stern British reserve disappeared almost completely.

That might have been what compelled Kate to act on her impulse. That must have been it. His smile. Not that she would say that if he asked why she decided to lean over and kiss him. It was just as sudden as their kiss earlier that day. But this time it lasted longer. Roger finally let go of her hand, reaching up and pulling her closer. His fingers in her now mussed hair sent a tingling sensation down her spine. Kate felt rather bold when she slid one leg over him and settled in his lap without pulling away from their embrace. She could feel Roger inhale deeply, one hand sliding down from her hair, trailing across her throat. His fingers took to tracing the line of her neck.

Boldness morphed into a feeling that could only be described as brazen when she felt Roger's reaction growing beneath her. Without thinking she arched towards him, suddenly putting a damper on things. Roger pulled back quickly with a pained groan. She had pressed against his bruised ribs.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Roger."

"Okay." He managed to groan, putting a protective hand over the injured area. "Should stop anyway."

"I suppose you're right." Kate agreed unenthusiastically as she climbed off of his lap.

"Not for lack of interest, Kate. I just don't think it's a good idea right now. You're coming out of shock and I'm in no condition for physical activity."

She just nodded in agreement. He reached over and brushed a few stray strands of hair away from her face, his fingers lingering against her cheek.

"Trust me, Kate, were the conditions different…" Roger was saved from finishing his sentence by a knock on the front door. "That'll be John."

"And we were having such a nice time." Her tone was similar to the one she had used at the jewelry store… _After all I do for you,_ echoed in Roger's ears. He took a moment to collect himself before standing up and disappearing in the hallway.

"Anderson." A man's voice echoed through the hallway. Kate quickly composed herself, slipping back into her shoes and standing up. John entered the room, followed by Roger, all traces of their previous activities now completely ignored as John shook Kate's hand.

"We meet at last, Miss Cameron. I'm sorry that it had to be under these circumstances." John was a short man; standing next to Roger only served to illustrate the point. Kate almost found the sight comical. He was balding, a starched collar kept him from moving his head too much. Clearly a British spy that they ran out of uses for.

"I'd return the sentiment, but this is the first I've been made away of your existence."

"Yes, we do tend to keep ourselves hidden away. Well, if you'll have a seat, we can get started. Anderson?"

"Of course. I'll be in the kitchen." Kate masked her panic as she watched Roger leave the room.

"Miss Cameron, shall we begin?"

With a deep breath, Kate nodded and began her story.

**x-X-x**

That's it for chapter! Thanks so much for all of the review! Hopefully I'll have the next one up soon.


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